When I was a young wife and mother and a brand new Christian, I came across Proverbs 31:10-31. I was blown away by “the excellent wife”. She was amazing! Could I ever be like her? I now believe the answer is YES! Not perfectly of course. But what God calls us to, He gives grace to do. This is the beginning of the story, Part 1 of how we got back to Proverbs 31 homesteading.
Who was this Proverbs 31 wife? First, she was one that her husband could trust, who did him good and not harm. Not to mention being a spinner, weaver, shopper, an early riser, a great cook, an entrepreneur, physically strong, a profitable trader.
Not only all that, but also kind to the poor, a comfort and strength to her whole family whose children rise up and call her blessed.
I haven’t even listed everything! Read Proverbs 31 and see.
Back in the 80’s, the prevailing teaching of Proverbs 31:10-31 was that this described a composite of a godly woman because no one could do all these things! In fact, women like me used to be somewhat miffed with her for holding up such a high standard.
Proverbs 31 after World War 2
First, a little historical background. The mothers of the little 1950’s girls like me were largely stay at home moms. My mother was a great one who cooked our meals from scratch and was devoted to our father and all of us. Nevertheless, in the era after World War 2, women had many labor-saving devices that their mothers did not have. Their children rode big yellow busses to school every day. As a result, these mothers had more time. They were not unlike June Cleaver, who vacuumed in her high heels and pearls (if you’ve never heard of June, ask somebody in their 70’s).
It’s odd to me now that women who pushed back on feminism in the 1980’s held the women of the 1950’s up as shining examples of devoted mothers. Though most were at home, it was more a cultural norm than a choice from convictions. They were not bucking trends–feminism was in its infancy–so most of them were just doing what the world expected of them in a time of peace and raising families.
But there was a materialistic side to this in the excitement over having all the labor saving devices they could afford (or buying them on time). Keeping up with the Joneses was a thing. TV was a thing, along with TV dinners. Soap operas filled idle minds with fantasies of exciting lives of romance with the spice of immorality thrown in. Many women at home were discontent, bored and depressed. My mom told me when I got older about the cocktail parties and affairs in her generation, and how she and Dad decided the social circle they were in wasn’t healthy.
However, there are probably a lot of kids raised during this time in the Bible belt who heard about Proverbs 31. But as a little kid growing up in the northeast U.S., I never heard of it from my family or my peer group.
Proverbs 31 and hippie era/feminism
Then, as their little girls (my generation) came of age, rebellion swept the country. These were the hippie days of the Vietnam War, when ideas like marriage, materialism and monogamy were under assault.
Not only was Biblical morality under assault, but also Biblical womanhood was under assault. Now, women were told that submitting to their husbands, as is commanded in scripture, was oppressive and antiquated. It was not a full frontal attack on the Bible, but a more subtle undermining of its teachings.
Where was Proverbs 31 homesteading in all this? Biblical values of all kinds were under attack and thought of as cultural artifacts from past generations. Even those who opposed the rebellion of the time did not normally argue from scripture, but from what they vaguely called “family values”.
Proverbs 31 and Materialism
As the hippie movement began to wane, there were new trends that began to grow. Now feminism came in with a vengeance. The fashion magazines showed well dressed women with briefcases leaving their homes to go to work like their husbands did. No more spit-up and diapers for them! Feminism grew large in the minds of my generation of women. Divorce increased. Living together without marriage remained after the wane of the hippie movement. Day care was lauded as a perfectly fine substitute for a mother staying home. In addition, the materialism protested by the hippies re-emerged in force. Double salaries and a booming economy made bigger homes, cars etc. not only possible but desirable signs of status.
On the other hand, what happened to the women who seemed like they were following Proverbs 31 in choosing to be homemakers? Did they fully understand the idea of homestead, using the work of their homemaking hands for God’s glory? If they were merely following cultural norms, they felt their worth diminished by those who said, in the name of equality, that it didn’t matter to children whether a mom was in the home or not.
Think about this with me. If homemaking doesn’t matter to anyone , why waste your time at home when you can contribute to the family finances and “expand your mind” by choosing a career and leaving the “drudgery” of children every day?
What a far cry this is from the concept of a Proverbs 31 homestead, using the blessings of home for God’s glory!
Proverbs 31 and the church after feminism
At first, there was a healthy pushback against the feminist movement in sound Biblical churches. I definitely benefitted from this as someone who had imbibed a lot of feminism. Over time, however, feminism began to infiltrate even the church as more women left the home for jobs outside. To be fair, in times past the view of women in the church was far from Biblical. Pastors often walked a thin line between misogyny and sentimentality regarding women. The stunning power of true Biblical womanhood was largely not understood, studied or preached (more on this in Part 2). On the other hand, feminism served only to further devalue Biblical womanhood. It was a clever ploy of Satan. Male leadership largely ignored the issue out of fear. It was increasingly seen as divisive to preach the scriptures that I now see as incredible treasures God has given to women.
This is so tragic. For the most part, and even more in the present day, if pastors and teachers speak on Biblical womanhood it is most often presented as a choice among other equally valid choices. However, this begs the question: where does the truth of God’s word inform what they are teaching?
Proverbs 31 and the Jesus movement
The feminist movement only grew from the 60’s and 70’s in the 20th century and now persists into the 21st. But back then, right alongside the feminism of the 1960’s and 70’s there appeared to be a move of God’s Holy Spirit that also persists to this day.
The Jesus movement in the United States came partly out of the hippie movement. It was certainly a visible thing, with many people being baptized in California in the Pacific ocean. However, this was not the only manifestation of a new interest in Christianity and the Bible.
We were converted to Christianity right after we moved to Tennessee in the early 1980’s. Other friends I have met speak of Bible studies that sprung up in the midwest and in New England. I believe this was a kind of revival, though in hindsight it was hampered by the fact that it was, like the hippie movement, largely grass roots and not under the shepherding of sound local churches.
After awhile new churches sprang up. They were often innovative in form and in theology. The church in which we were saved was held in a remodeled chicken house! The pastor preached the gospel, and under that ministry Jack and I both came to the Lord. In its beginning stages, the Bible was faithfully preached.
Proverbs 31 and the chicken house church
As a result, in the chicken house church, the view of women was Biblical, although as noted above, incomplete. We weren’t back to the Proverbs 31 homestead yet. However, people were reading books on traditional marriage. (There was one, What Wives Wish their Husbands Knew about Women, that was very helpful in our marriage and I mention it because it is still in print!)
During this period of the 80’s, I met two older women who discipled me. They introduced me to Titus 2 and Proverbs 31, among other scriptures. Here is where I grew to love what God said to women, me included! I learned how God directed women to learn about loving husbands, children, and keeping the home. This is the idea that Proverbs 31 fleshes out with many wondrous specifics.
One of my spiritual moms would periodically call me and ask, “What are you cooking for Jack for dinner?” At first I would answer that I had no idea. She would follow up with this: “Have you thanked him lately for laying down his life for you and your children?”
I was busted! I listened. The feminism that had taken root in my heart in my teens and 20’s was gradually and systematically disassembledwhent these women started in discipling me in the Word. They literally took me under their wings, and this is why I am so passionate about the ministry of Titus 2 older women now that I am an older woman! It changed my life. It saved our marriage. Not only that, but it continues to be the main way God sanctifies me. I am forever grateful for the journey the Holy Spirit has me on as a woman.
The rest of the story…
The continuation of my journey is found in How We Got Back to Proverbs 31 Homesteading: (Part 2).
Want to learn more about Biblical Womanhood? Check out Resources !!!
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